Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize