When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
