do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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