Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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