Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
