ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
