Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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