The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
