i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
