I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
