he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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