if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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