It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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