Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just cropdusted the office
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
