I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
