We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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