So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
