Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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