East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
