Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
