omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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