so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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