U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize