I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
