I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
