my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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