I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
