So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
