Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
