none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
