So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
