You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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