I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
