to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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