i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
