Kiss
Puke
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
