...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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