i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
