Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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