I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
