im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
