good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
