I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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