I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize