Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
