i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize