cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
