Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
