im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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