she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
