eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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