It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
