The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
