It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
