1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was CRYING into my vagina
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
