In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
