When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
