did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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