can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize