sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
