Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
