Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
