either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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