i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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