So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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