So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
