Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
