I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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