I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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